Life is fluid

Sunday, 3:16 pm

By Kate

Dec

21

2008

Last night came close to being a calamity. Or less hysterically and more proverbially, it just delivered a bowl of sour lemons and well, we made some of the most delicious lemonade. And less cryptically, The Dad pitched a whiny fit over the phone into the lad’s ear and begged him to please come to his house for Christmas because the lad is almost grown up and he’s hardly ever had a real Christmas with him. It was up to him to decide.

The lad chewed on that, or stewed over it, for an hour or so before he came to me with the news. He was rather upset. He felt as if he was being placed in the middle of a dispute whereby, whichever choice he made, he was going to break someone’s heart and he was just miserable over it.

My immediate response was to flip out. I was so angry I would have pole axed the man if he’d been within reach. But, being so angry was not helpful and it just made the lad feel worse and I quickly zipped it and told him I needed to leave the house for a little while to clear my mind and think it through. I told him it wasn’t his fault and I wasn’t angry with him and we’d fix it.

So, I got in the car and ran a few errands and got a cup of coffee and sat and thought. Sorted my feelings out.

1. Yes, I was so angry I could taste bile.
2. Yes, it was a shitty thing to dump in our lap five days before Christmas after all plans had been made and agreed to.
3. Yes, he has a point. He hasn’t spent a Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with the lad in many years. This is something we should have addressed a lot sooner. I’m not sure I’d have agreed. That made me feel small.
4. It was decidedly wrong to ask the lad to make the choice rather than talk it over with me. Like...maybe a month ago, at least.
5. I’d still like to pole axe him.
6. How do I turn it around so that we all get what we want?
7. Bastid.
8. See #6.
9. Why am I so attached to the date of December 25th? Hum… I don’t really think I am, actually. Double hummmm....
10. Okay, he’s going to his Dad’s house for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and, if I’m correct in assessing motives, this is going to both please and annoy The Dad.
11. Okay, the annoy part isn’t as satisfying as pole axing him, but it’ll do in a pinch.
12. Mainly, the lad doesn’t have to choose between us and that’s the most important thing. Some day in the not too distant future he will make choices about holidays and who, if anyone, he spends them with. But not in this way.

I returned home and found the lad pacing miserably.

“You’re going to your Dad’s house for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. You don’t have to make that choice, sweetie. It’s okay. He hasn’t had that pleasure in a lot of years and I know that I’d hate it. I don’t like the way this has been done, but let’s do what we do best...something different. It’s the Solstice Eve and tomorrow is the Solstice. What the hell? Why not?”

To say that the lad was surprised might be an understatement. Also relieved. And instantly happy. And suddenly really into the impromptu preparations. Except…

“But I haven’t done my Christmas shopping yet. I don’t have anything to give you.”

“That’s okay. It’s more fun to watch you open stuff. But if you feel the need....gimme Amazon gift certificates. I have a serious Kindle addiction to feed.”

Instant smiles. Can do. Not a problem. He scurried off to consult his laptop.

“I hope your Dad and I don’t give duplicate gifts this year,” I said when he returned.

“Well,” the lad said, “I know that he’s giving me an iPod.”

I think I started banging my head against the wall....

“No way,” he said, “you’re kidding, right? O man, that’s rough.”

“What kind?” I asked.

“Just a basic iPod,” he said.

I made a snarky sound and my eyes glittered. Oh they did. I’m not proud of it, but man did my eyes glitter. Evilly.

“I have nothing wrapped,” I said. “But let’s be green. Who needs wrapping paper, anyway? Wanna open a couple of things tonight?”

Cool. He sat down on the sofa and waited while I dug around in my closet. He closed his eyes and held out his hands...rather widely apart. “Put your hands a little closer together. It’s not that big a box.”

He laughed and I put a small card into his hands. An iTunes gift card. He whooped.

He closed his eyes again and put his hands close together. “A little farther apart this time. It’s a bigger box,” I said.

I placed a small box in his hands. He opened his eyes and turned it over several times. Nothing on it to suggest what was inside, though he knew.

Out came an iPod Touch. Huge whoop.

“Turn it over, sweetie. It’s engraved. I tried to keep the mush factor to a minimum.”

Just a simple “Merry Christmas! I love you, Mom.” Nothing too embarrassing.

And that was it for the Solstice Eve shindig. We played with the iPod for quite a while. Just an amazing gadget and I SO want one now.

“Should I tell Dad that I got an iPod Touch?” he asked.

“No, I don’t think so. Don’t spoil it for him. It doesn’t hurt to have a spare, you know? This is our secret.”

This morning we got up early and made a huge breakfast with enough coffee to float a battleship. We played Christmas music and some appropriate Jethro Tull (Ring out, Solstice Bells). The snow started falling again. We made a crackling fire and finally settled down to open more stuff. And we had a blast. Different is not a bad thing. No matter how old they get, it’s still all about the kids. I loved watching the expressions that played across his face. I love cooking with him. I love picking music with him. I love listening to his stories. Well...I just love him. And having a good time with him.

We did fine. The Dad will have his day, too. And he was very surprised this morning when he learned what we’d done. It wasn’t what he expected. He wondered what the lad received and there was no mention of an iPod Touch. The lad winked at me as he left that off the list. Now he’s playing with his new toys and the Dad told me that he very much appreciates my decision. And incidentally, there were no other duplicate gifts. I did point out that it would have been a lot kinder if he had talked with me first without laying that load on the lad. Being asked to choose between parents is a hard thing and it just about tore the lad to pieces. Just not very cool. He was quiet about that, but maybe he gets it now. Dunno. But, it all worked out and I believe that we all have gained what we wanted...or needed.