LONG FREAKING WEEKEND
Woo, what a weekend. Angus didn’t speak to me at all on Friday except, for food. He worked on Saturday and the kids, my mother and I went to her work cookout at a lake in NH. We had a blast. It was a nice brake from crying and being a bundle of nerves like I was on Friday. I brought the kids out canoeing. They have never been on a boat without a motor lol. Sofia was so nervous we would tip over. It was hysterical because 1:she knows how to swim 2: she had a freaking life jacket on! aidan and Zoe loved it so much that after we were done canoeing I convinced them to go kayaking! Aidan was so in his element. Took right of into open water. Zoe took her time in shallow water for a bit and then joined us in deeper water. It is the first real fun thing we have done together since moving here.
Late in the afternoon they went with my younger sister to some show a friend of hers family puts on every year. I was so nervous to drop them off and be alone with Angus. I just wanted the cookout to last forever lol. We ended up going out to dinner. Which was a good thing. He wouldn’t dare yell at me in public lol. Yes he was still very pissed off. We didn’t talk about Thursday nights argument, at my request. I just knew if we did that I was going to fall apart and told him I really didn’t want to do that in public. He thought maybe it would have been better to talk about it over dinner so as to not let it get to heated. Ya right pal, cause now you are in the hot seat! He knew that I was upset about things he said but didn’t remember exactly what it was that he said. He had a few drinks after our argument and I guess doesn’t recall everything said. How convenient for him. So it was a pleasant meal and then the kids came home shortly after we did. I knew he wouldn’t want to talk about it with them around. They were all upstairs on Thursday night watching TV so they really know nothing about it. They just know that he was upset with me about the checking account.
And then there is Sunday. Bloody Sunday, as I will now and forever refer it as lol. No actually he was more calm by then. We talked in bits and pieces through out the day. The kids went and spent the day and overnight with YS again. And we went grocery shopping. He wanted to see what I bought and what wasn’t bought to get a feel for how much money I would need to get through the week. Yup, I am now on a cash only basis. I really can’t blame him about that. I don’t trust me right now. I am just so baffled with myself about this whole thing. I am usually VERY good with money (I know you know this about me Kate). And he knows this. I think that is why he is so frustrated about it.
We decided that we would BBQ, have a bottle of wine and, talk. And I told him what it was that he said that upset me so much. And he chuckled. He freaking chuckled. I wanted to smack his freaking face let me tell you. But I remained calm. As we both promised that we would not argue, just talk. He told me that he was just so very pissed that I messed up the checking account again he was seeing red. I told him it was no excuse to say the things he did. I don’t care how upset he was, it was not fare to throw the terrible thing that I did two years ago in my face. I told him he didn’t even get this upset with me when it happened! And he told me that he is even more upset with me about this than he was about the terrible thing I did two years ago! But he wouldn’t apologize to me. And he can’t promise me that he will never bring it up again. For that he is sorry. I guess I have to give it to him for being honest. So after many tears shed and more talking things are getting better. I think it is just going to take some time for all the wounds on both sides to heal.
I don’t think he realized just how very upset, scared and nervous I was all weekend until about 4 AM this morning. I woke up with the mother of all migraines. And we had no ibuprofen. It was so bad he was afraid to leave me to find a store open to get me some. I have never in my life had such a bad migraine. Or have it last so long. My computer screen is turned to very dim, all lights are off and, all shades are drawn. I am taking no chances that that baby will come back!
TTFN
Posted on 07/25/05 at 10:21 AM