NO REAL TITLE

Things are still pretty quiet on the home front. Which is ok by me. I will take boring and quiet for a while thank you! The Doctors office called the other day and canceled Angus’s appointment for next week. They want us to come in on Tuesday for a consultation instead of Wednesday, when he was suppose to have the procedure done. It seems it is more serious than they thought. They want to consult with a neurologist. He has serious risk of having a stroke on the table. Great, just what we needed to hear right now. So we are in the mind of thinking that they are going to have to do some serious surgery instead. Guess we just wait until next week before we panic too much. I am putting it way out of my head until next Tuesday morning!

Dang, its only around 8:45 and it’s sticky already. And woo, what a storm we had last night! I have come to the conclusion that, Angus is no comfort during one of my panics! In fact he is worse than Aidan in his torment. We are heading off to a friends pool for the afternoon. I am so tired of being cooped up in this air conditioning. It’s either to hot to go outside for longer than fifteen minutes or, its cold and raining. WTF? Could we please just have one strait week of say, 85 degrees, no rain and, NO freaking humidity! My poor hair doesn’t know what to do with it’s self!

TTFN

THINGS CALMING ON THE HOME FRONT

It has been a little calmer around here for the past few days, thank gawd. I even have in my possession, the ATM card. Not for keeps, just for today. Which is ok by me. I want no part of being blamed if anything wonky happens with the checking account again. Nosirreebob. I asked for the max amount to spend on the things we need. I am taking no chances!

So off I go to try and purchase about $95 worth of stuff for $50. Hum, just how good does he think I am LOL.

TTFN

LONG FREAKING WEEKEND

Woo, what a weekend. Angus didn’t speak to me at all on Friday except, for food. He worked on Saturday and the kids, my mother and I went to her work cookout at a lake in NH. We had a blast. It was a nice brake from crying and being a bundle of nerves like I was on Friday. I brought the kids out canoeing. They have never been on a boat without a motor lol. Sofia was so nervous we would tip over. It was hysterical because 1:she knows how to swim 2: she had a freaking life jacket on! aidan and Zoe loved it so much that after we were done canoeing I convinced them to go kayaking! Aidan was so in his element. Took right of into open water. Zoe took her time in shallow water for a bit and then joined us in deeper water. It is the first real fun thing we have done together since moving here.

Late in the afternoon they went with my younger sister to some show a friend of hers family puts on every year. I was so nervous to drop them off and be alone with Angus. I just wanted the cookout to last forever lol. We ended up going out to dinner. Which was a good thing. He wouldn’t dare yell at me in public lol. Yes he was still very pissed off. We didn’t talk about Thursday nights argument, at my request. I just knew if we did that I was going to fall apart and told him I really didn’t want to do that in public. He thought maybe it would have been better to talk about it over dinner so as to not let it get to heated. Ya right pal, cause now you are in the hot seat! He knew that I was upset about things he said but didn’t remember exactly what it was that he said. He had a few drinks after our argument and I guess doesn’t recall everything said. How convenient for him. So it was a pleasant meal and then the kids came home shortly after we did. I knew he wouldn’t want to talk about it with them around. They were all upstairs on Thursday night watching TV so they really know nothing about it. They just know that he was upset with me about the checking account.

And then there is Sunday. Bloody Sunday, as I will now and forever refer it as lol. No actually he was more calm by then. We talked in bits and pieces through out the day. The kids went and spent the day and overnight with YS again. And we went grocery shopping. He wanted to see what I bought and what wasn’t bought to get a feel for how much money I would need to get through the week. Yup, I am now on a cash only basis. I really can’t blame him about that. I don’t trust me right now. I am just so baffled with myself about this whole thing. I am usually VERY good with money (I know you know this about me Kate). And he knows this. I think that is why he is so frustrated about it.

We decided that we would BBQ, have a bottle of wine and, talk. And I told him what it was that he said that upset me so much. And he chuckled. He freaking chuckled. I wanted to smack his freaking face let me tell you. But I remained calm. As we both promised that we would not argue, just talk. He told me that he was just so very pissed that I messed up the checking account again he was seeing red. I told him it was no excuse to say the things he did. I don’t care how upset he was, it was not fare to throw the terrible thing that I did two years ago in my face. I told him he didn’t even get this upset with me when it happened! And he told me that he is even more upset with me about this than he was about the terrible thing I did two years ago! But he wouldn’t apologize to me. And he can’t promise me that he will never bring it up again. For that he is sorry. I guess I have to give it to him for being honest. So after many tears shed and more talking things are getting better. I think it is just going to take some time for all the wounds on both sides to heal.

I don’t think he realized just how very upset, scared and nervous I was all weekend until about 4 AM this morning. I woke up with the mother of all migraines. And we had no ibuprofen. It was so bad he was afraid to leave me to find a store open to get me some. I have never in my life had such a bad migraine. Or have it last so long. My computer screen is turned to very dim, all lights are off and, all shades are drawn. I am taking no chances that that baby will come back!

TTFN

PHASE ONE DONE, ONTO PHASE TWO

Sorry I haven’t written sooner. Last week just sucked every ounce of energy out of me. We got home late Friday and I was so exhausted, it took the whole weekend and yesterday to re-coupe. They decided that going in and doing another Cath and putting in two stints would be the better option. He really only needed one bypass (two stints in one artery because it was very blocked) and to crack the rib cage if not necessary would just be cruel. So they decided to give it another shot and hope it would work. It was a very long couple of hours waiting to hear if it worked this time. And thank gawd it did. It also helps if you have the doctor that was suppose to do it in the first place do it. The doctor that did the first one is a doctor from the office here that he was seeing. The doctor from MGH (head of cardiology) was suppose to be there to assist but, got tied up and wasn’t. We decided to fire and have nothing to do with the doctor here. The director of cardiology of MGH is now his doctor. It went so fast and smooth, and a lot less painful for Angus. The bruise difference on the two incisions is unbelievable! The inconvenience of him having to take a day off work to drive into the city when needed will be well worth it.

We go back in August to have the same procedure done in the artery in his neck. They see no reason why it won’t be a one night stay (Ya I guess it helps if you have a doctor that freaking knows what the heck he is doing). Then probably sometime in September we will go back and they will take care of the blockage in his leg. Unfortunately this has to come last. He is in so much pain all of the time. But just knowing it is only a matter of a couple of months when you have been waiting over a year, is a big relief. He is back to work as of yesterday. And they don’t see him having to miss but a couple of days when they take care of his neck. Boy, gotta love modern technology! The leg might be a different story though.

And why did it take a whole three days to re-coupe?

RESTED BUT, NOT REFRESHED

I crashed and burned at about midnight, finally. Woke up at six and felt like I just put my head on the pillow. Fell back asleep until seven got up made coffee and fell back asleep until eight. Had some coffee and called the kids. They are having a blast. Thank gawd. Aidan was so excited when I talked to him last night. He caught his first fish! And I missed it. I miss them something terrible. It has been years since I have been away from them for more than a day, other than them sleeping over at my brothers a few weeks ago. And that was for fun, and its different. The last time was when Angus was in the hospital for congestive heart failure 17 months ago. But they are having fun so that is good. They are full of questions and are worried that something is wrong. I am trying my best to reassure them that he is ok. Which is hard to do when I am scared as heck.

I talked to Angus this morning and the nurse said something about him staying over again tonight. Just ducky. They want to do a couple more test today. He has to be off of the plavics that he was on before they can do anything on him. Which brings us to Saturday. They are not going to do anything on the weekend. What doctor in his right mind would volunteer for that? So we are probably looking at next week. I have no idea if they will keep him there. One of the doctors said that it will probably be next week sometime and he will probably go home in between. So why the heck are they going to make him stay there tonight? This is so frustrating let me tell you. This was suppose to be simple. Get the cardiac Cath done,maybe have a stint put in if needed, go home, schedule for them to go in and take care of his neck and leg to be taken care of. That is how it was suppose to go. But noooooooooo, nothing in our freaking life can go accordingly. And to top it off they haven’t even said how many bypasses they might need to do. Or if they have a clue how many. He had seven the last time.

I am going to wait until noon time and call Angus back at the hospital. Hopefully we will know something more. Neither of us see the need for me to drive in to Boston if they are just going to do a couple of test and nothing else. Just to have to drive home and go back tomorrow to take him home for the weekend. We are hoping they will do the rest of the test and then schedule him for next week and let him come home. I guess we will see. More when I know something.

TTFN

SO SO TIRED

Can anything in my life just go easily(or Angus’s)? Please. *I am just a zombie right now. I haven’t had sleep in about 40 hours now. The doctors had a hard time doing the cardiac cath on him. They couldn’t finish. They didn’t have the right size tubes and stints that Angus needed. And then after they found out how much blockage he has they are not sure what is the best procedure to do. They are now talking bypass surgery, again. Not only that they are not sure how to proceed with the blockage in the artery in his neck. They are trying to decide what is the best way to take care of that. And think that they need to do something about that before they do a bypass so that he doesn’t have a stroke while they have him open. So he is still in the hospital having a million more tests done. Some are repeats.

I spent the night in the chair in his room. Which I did plan on doing but, we both thought we would be coming home this morning so I didn’t bring anything to change into etc. I just felt to gross and tired to sleep in a chair again. All the hotels that were close enough for me to walk to are booked. I just can’t drive around Boston. I had a hell of a time just finding my way to the freeway to get home. I got directions from the hospital but the freak that gave them to me didn’t have a fucking clue what he was talking about. I had to follow a nice sweet cab driver. I just wanted to get out of my car and kiss the man. Getting lost in Boston is just not one of my favorite things to do. And this after arguing with some Jamaican chick that didn’t speak English very well about my parking garage ticket. I was supposed to be able to get a discount. But I couldn’t as it turned out.Long story. I ended up paying $57.00. I was not a happy camper. I will post more tomorrow after much needed sleep.

TTFN
* I actually am writing this Tuesday night but, I am way to exhausted to log on to post tonight. Freaking dial up.

TODAY IS THE DAY

Well we head off to the hospital in just a few hours. I am a bit on edge this morning. Now I know this cardiac cath has become more standard procedure over the years but, still. The kids are going to spend a couple of days over at my mothers boyfriends, out on the boat fishing. Not a bad trade on there part lol. I will be sleeping in a chair all night. My mother will spend the night with them tonight and then tomorrow morning he will pick them up. My mother took Wednesday off of work. Now I told her that Tuesday of no fighting kids in the house should be enough, but hey I will take it! Plus I think she was looking for a good excuse for a day off. Also if they do have to put a stint in him he just might have to stay a extra night. We also will find out when they will take care of his leg and neck today too. Which has been a long wait. His leg is just getting worse and worse by the day. It will be nice for him to be able to walk more than ten feet without pain. So wish him luck and, and please send some positive mojo that nothing goes wrong! Let you know how it all goes. Hopefully I will get a chance to blog sometime tomorrow night after he falls asleep. Dang, if I only had a laptop!

TTFN